• Tina

Women are harsh critics: why cyberbullying, trolling and everyday hate needs to stop

Updated: Aug 7

As humans, we have a tendency to judge people as soon as we meet them. One of the things that happen is that we immediately judge other women. For example, we are quick to form an opinion on how another woman is raising her kids. Or, we judge a woman based on her weight based on shallow assumptions of the ideal body type. Sometimes this judgment is extremely harmful to both parties - both the judge and the person being judged.


The healthiest mindset is one where we limit our judgment of others and instead, focus on ourselves and our own personal development.





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Let me begin by saying that I know how wonderful women can be and how important it is to give people the benefit of the doubt, yet I want to make you think about the impact of female-to-female criticism, cyberbullying and day to day rude behavior has on one's life.



Have you read Malcolm Gladwell's book Talking to Strangers? It's one of the best books about how to interact with other people. This is a self-improvement book you must read!









I'm sure most women have felt personally attacked by other women -either in day to day life or on the internet. I've personally been shamed by other women for my body, my life choices, and so on. It hasn't bothered me to the extent that it really affects my confidence or mood, yet momentarily it upsets me and bothers me.





I know so many women suffer (usually in silence) because of the criticism, shaming, hate, trolling they receive, and what alarms me is that much of this type of abuse comes from other women who are probably dealing with serious issues since they feel the need to attack others.


What I've come to realize is that, unfortunately...


WOMEN ARE WOMEN'S HARSHEST CRITICS


What this means is that there's a real problem with women's behavior. And it probably has something to do with insecurity and social media...





Recently, many popular bloggers, vloggers, and celebrities have shared how difficult their life is because of internet trolling, abuse, hate, body shaming, and other forms of cyberbullying.


Even if you hate a person on the internet or if you disagree with what they stand for or promote, I don't think you should ever use foul language, be rude, or personally attack them.


While I think you should speak your mind and let them know your opinion, my advice is to keep it classy and constructive - both online and in everyday life.


Be calm, cool, and collected. Instead of spewing hate, try some aromatherapy and meditation and snap out of a toxic state.





When you're in the online world, you need to be aware of how you treat others and reflect on the way YOU are treated. Have you ever received a message calling you 'ugly'?


If you feel bullied and you receive mean messages - delete them and block or report the trolls/haters. Ignoring isn't always enough - sometimes you need to block and report people who are misusing social media platforms.


Now, this type of woman to woman hate happens offline - a lot! So it's not just an online thing, it's a real issue. Sometimes people in public places will make you feel bad about yourself...



I suggest all girls, especially teens keep a confidence journal to express their thoughts and write down reasons they love themselves and their bodies.


Let me share a moment that really bothered me and affects me still...I suffer from certain stomach illnesses and this results in almost daily bloating and so, I don't have a flat belly or abs. I went out to the grocery store and I was in line with people behind me when a female cashier asked me how far along I was...I said "I'm not pregnant" and she responded with "oh, sorry". FYI it's very rude to ask a woman if she's pregnant no matter what the circumstance and it made me feel embarrassed, so I spent the whole day pulling my stomach in worrying others will think I'm pregnant and ASK about it. I'm sure lots of you women have also been asked if you're pregnant and I wonder why women do this to other women? I know sometimes it's curiosity but I think it's best to just stop asking and let women share on their own accord.


Things like people publicly making you uncomfortable are very common and of course, it's a good idea to take it seriously but don't focus on incidents too much.


Another type of woman to woman criticism often comes from the women in your own circle of family and friends and it can be extremely hard to deal with. Even mothers can make their daughters feel pressured to look a certain way, to lose weight, or to date certain people and it's tough to fight back. My advice is to tell the woman in your family to back off and allow you to figure out your own life. Of course, there is constructive criticism and usually, a mom or grandma only wants to help, but criticism is hurtful and counterproductive.


So, what I hope you take away from all this is that...


You are strong and capable of making your own decisions and you should stand up to criticism...and NEVER partake in online bullying, hating, and shaming anyone!




#cyberbullying #trolling #hate #confidence #criticism #women

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